Oh boy is my husband upset with me! Surprisingly, for once in my entire life I do not care. I can feel myself changing and I couldn’t be more proud of myself and content with my life. Before this year I did nothing but what would please my family and the rest of society. I basically lived to serve them. I continuously kept these horrid feelings inside which bottled up and caused me to soon reach my breaking point. On Tuesdays are my reception day which is when many people come to call upon me and visit me. I didn’t particularly enjoy this day but I did it week after week because I knew that it was my social responsibility. My husband, Leonce Pontellier, treated me a particular way that made me feel as if I was his property. He said jump and I jumped and then he critiqued me afterwards! Leonce expects me to do what he says and follow his instructions all of the time. Sometimes he is known to not talk very kindly to me but I just took it and didn’t stand up for myself. I did this because once again this is my social and marriage responsibility. I wasn’t happy with my life and was quickly becoming more depressed and tired. I am sure that everyone else couldn’t care less as long as I was doing what was expected of me. But I care. I care immensely.

Now I have decided to change. I no longer want to do what is expected of me but instead what I genuinely want to do. I no longer care to meet my social expectations.”If my husband decided to be rude to me then I would grow insolent. I will no longer take a step backward ever again.” (Chopin, page 95). On Tuesdays, my reception day, I have decided not to wait around all day to be called upon. If I simply wanted to go out for the day on Tuesday then I would go out! (Chopin, page 85). I am becoming more myself every day and boy am I proud! I don’t understand why it is such a big deal that I don’t want to do everything that society wants me to do. We are all different people and enjoy different activities. My husband is beginning to believe that I am “mentally imbalanced” (Chopin, page 96) when in fact I am more myself than ever. He can’t see that I am “becoming more myself and daily casting aside that fictitious self which we assume like a garment with which to appear to the world.” (Chopin, page 96).

Textual Evidence:

• “ When Mr. Pontellier became rude, Edna became insolent. She had resolved never to take another step backward.” (Chopin, page 95).
• “I simply felt like going out, and I went out.” (Chopin, page 85).
• “It sometimes entered Mr. Pontellier’s mind to wonder if his wife were not growing a little unbalanced mentally.” (Chopin, page 96).
• “That is he could not see that she was becoming herself and daily casting aside that fictitious self which we assume like a garment with which to appear before the world.” (Chopin, page 96).

So far from what we have read we have learned that Edna Pontellier appears to be a quiet individual that may be too polite for her own good. She doesn’t talk about herself that much and allows her feelings to stay bottled up inside rather than complain about them.  Mrs. Pontellier likes to play it safe and stay reasonable. If she has the option to do anything that may appear risky then she will most likely not do it because she will only do things that make sense to do. Mrs. Pontellier is not a mother-woman which means that her “oh so perfect” family is not her top priority. She does not really feel like she belongs to that family. She just feels like she is supposed to live that lifestyle, married to a safe man with his children. Mrs. Pontellier has put herself in a protective shell that is shielding her true identity from the world and slowly but surely she is chipping away at that shell.

• ” Mrs. Pontellier talked little about herself..” (Chopin, page 10).
• “She could not have told you why she was crying. Such experiences as the foregoing were not uncommon in her married life.” (Chopin, page 14).
• “Mrs. Pontellier, though she had married a Creole, was not thoroughly at home in the society of Creoles…” (Chopin, page 18).
• ” Edna Pontellier could not have told why, wishing to go to the beach with Robert, she should in the first place have declined, and in the second place have followed in obedience to one of the two contradictory impulses which impelled her.” (Chopin, page 25).

Have you ever been so confused and stressed because of your emotions that you just feel like your head is going to explode into a million tiny bloody pieces? Me too. I am having sort of a dilemma that has been evading my mind for awhile now and I just do not know what I should do. I am a married woman to a very successful man that all of the other women rave about and we have two beautiful young sons. They are four and five. Our marriage is based on safety. It lacks passion and lust and mystery. We are together because I feel like it is the smart thing to do for my life. Marriage is a big reality check. I’m sorry but marriage isn’t how it is in the movies! It just isn’t! Leonce Pontellier is a thriving business man that provides for his family. He can be considered attractive and often times he will send back to his house gifts for his family while he is away at work. Many women jealously overpraise about how Leonce Pontellier must be the best husband in the entire world. I can’t deny that I have not heard of or have seen any greater husband.  So he, Mr. Pontellier, my husband, is the safe and obvious choice I am given.

I want to give a warning and also a little fact about me. I am a faithful wife that would never break the marriage contract that I signed when I said,” I do,” with my husband. I have never and do not plan to ever cheat on my husband. No matter what. That is just not my forte……But….there is this one guy. His name is Robert Leburn. Robert is a younger man that visits the same vacation spot, the Grande Isle, as me and my husband and throughout the years we have been able to get to know each other and become friends. Robert makes me feel special and happy every time that I am with him. He makes me feel like he actually wants to spend time with me rather than has to spend time with me. I just can’t help but fall for him even if it’s just a little bit…or maybe a lot a bit. I don’t know! My brain is telling me to do one thing while my heart is telling me to do the other thing and I just don’t know which is the right thing to do. If anyone has any advice for me please let me know because I am drawing blanks here.

Sincerely~

Edna Pontellier